'Excuse Me'

Daily trip into town, sun shining, slight breeze; by all counts a beautiful day.

Until, I enter Tesco.

I’m walking around the isles, checking out the best deals on Cheddar cheese (I only like Mild, so that can limit my choice) when I hear a male voice speak the three words no self-respecting 22 year old female ever wants to hear …. ‘Excuse me SIR.’

Now I would have understood this slight misunderstanding, if 1) I had short hair 2) I had a beard or 3) I hadn't been wearing a skirt. But no, I was in a skirt, legs bare (and not hairy, I had shaved!) hair down; long and curly, with some make up. This is where my embarrassment hit levels I still hadn't fully experienced in adult life. For a second time the Tesco employee proceeds to look me square in the eye, and he says ‘Excuse me sir.’ I look around, completely forgetting the Cheddar Cheese, hoping to spy a gentleman in the vicinity. No such luck! Had I forgotten to bleach my tash? No I did it about a week ago. Legs?  They were hairless. Hair chopped off during the night? Nope it was still present. Gruff voice? I don’t remember speaking! Of course this is when I started to wonder; how can I make myself look any more feminine? I've pondered over this question with friends, and they have all agreed that a boob job is the only thing to be done. I happen to like my below average sized breasts, I can run and they don’t move. One of the many perks of having grapes for breasts.

All in all this experience taught me one thing. If someone says ‘Excuse me sir’, and you’re a female, just assume that they aren't talking to you, and if they continue this persistence in questioning your gender then telling them to fuck off, may not help the situation, but it made me feel better.